Sunday, August 12, 2012

Worst day ever day 2

Back to a lonely life again for de pass 3 4 yrs?? Can't remember how long being alone before a new relationship started....

Nvr though of no sweet calls
Going back alone after work
Watch movie alone
Dinner alone
No calls nor sweet msgs
Is not an issue for me
Nvr feel lonely being alone during single life

Nvr took my breakfast, lunch n dinner yesterday
Due to no appetites
Nvr feel hungry at all seriously
Forcing myself to drink my shake even I'm not hungry just to avoid gastric back to me again....
Same as today...
Took my shake as breakfast n lunch...
Bought some breads for dinner
(very unhealthy but better than non)

Insomnia last nite
Turning around on my bed
Trying to rest myself last nite
Slept at 3am in de morning
Woke up at 5.30am
Wow...
Slept 2 n half hours only
N Back to real life in de morning

Working as usual today
Work load like mad in de ward
Heavy work load keeps me bz for 8 hrs
Stopping me from thinking all de shit things for 8 hrs

But after settle down....
Emo say 'hi' to me again
Loneliness visit me
Back home myself
Though of having a dinner with him
Just becos he worried tat I won't take any proper meal for de day (as I always did)

Texted him about de dinner date
In de end he cannot make it cos need to dinner with his mum
Asking me wanna join him for dinner o not
But wat position shld I show up infront of his mum?
A Gf?
A Fren tat just broke up with him not even 2 days?
Really enjoy dinner nor lunch with his family for de pass 8 months
Miss those moment gossiping with his family
Makes me feel so close n family love when v dine together
Wish I could join them for dinner
even as a Fren of his
But don't wanna makes him feel like indirectly stressing him to keep him stay beside me

Rejected dinner v his family
Took some breads for dinner tat I bought today after work
(1st 'proper meal' for this 2 days)

Downloading hk drama n movie as usual ill do during single life

Feel so lost
Don't kno wat shld I do to keep me stop thinking those nonsense shit other then downloading drama n movies
Don't feel like going out for shopping
Not in de mood at all
Mentally tried

BFF n colleague keep texts me to cheer me up
Happy to have them in my life

Though had enuff of losing my tears....
Though...

Mum called today
Don't dare to let her kno wats happening here
Mayb I'm not ready yet to tel my love one how I feel
Don't wanna let them worry about me
But eventually will let them kno when I'm strong enuf
Mayb 1 day I'll get over with....
Time will pass
But how long shld I heal my scars?
Will takes how long to heal?
I don't kno
Mayb 1 month? 3 months? Yrs??
Really don't kno
But life still go on

Mayb I'm still waiting...
Waiting for him...
Waiting for him to turn back to me
Waiting for him to say he had enuff of freedom
Ya...
I'll wait ^^

Falling in love is just a sec of moment
De process of keeping makes us grow up
But forgetting a person takes life....
This is wat love is...

I'm a very cheerful person
Hope get well soon

Think +ve!!
This is de moment to slim down
I kno I kno
A very unhealthy sliming process
But taking my Herbalife shake can keeps me having nutrition from taking those unhealthy food!!
45kg here I come!!

Love <3 <3


-THE END-

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Worst day ever

Relationship is a thing tat can makes ppl laugh n sad badly

Started a new rs since last yr
We found alot of in common between us

Attitude...life style....habits...work life...even thoughts almost de same...
Telling to whole world tat v r in love..

Had alot of precious moment being together

He's attitude n thinking more to a female thoughts
my attitude n thinking more to a guys thoughts

Holidays to Phuket during his bday
Really had a great time v him
Planing to go for another holiday during my bday....

We even plan about our future house regrading de renovation....Location...
Weddings...honeymoon...furniture for our future house...
Even planning to save money to get a better wedding

Nvr though of losing each other until a girl appear between us...

A girl tat had a beautiful voice
Nice body...
(seriously I don't kno tat girl at all)

Been quarreling with him over a week just becos of he hiding behind me n went out with tat girl

Keep trying to explain to me both of them is impossible being together....
She is catholic n he is Christian
But who knows tat she'll gv up her religion becos of him?


Wat I'm asking is just a simple inform before he out v de girl cos I trusted him tat both of them r not in love with each other...

He started being emo cos I'm de 1 who restrict him making frens (he said)

Anyway,
He claim tat no more freedom being with me
Mayb I'm not good enuf
Mayb I'm not worth for him to stay
Nvr though of losing him until today

V nvr quarrel so much until de girl happen to appear....

Cry like mad every time v quarrel....
Been trying to work out everything every time....
Been trying to explain to him wats my thoughts...
Been trying to keep our relationship as much as I could

But in de end of the day
He had enuff
Wanted put a dot on our relationship
Wat more can I do to keep him?
Nvr ever had a bf like him so caring n lovely guy....
Trying to work out on he's family to make them like me
Cos he is a 100% family guy
I kno tat being with him is not him only...
Quit smoking due to he hates smokers
Willing to accept all my bad habits
Willing to go back late just to send me home safely

Mayb I'm putting too much of hope on him...
Mayb I'm too afraid to loss him
Mayb I'm too obsess to keep him
Tats wat happen....

Will nvr regret loving him is a mistake...
Thanks for being in my life
Best Fren keep asking me to tk an off to rest myself
Rest my brain

But in de end I still went to work
Though can stop thinking about him
Though I'm strong enuf to handle it
But no...
I'm too weak this time
Too weak of losing this rs

Don't think so I can move on
Or mayb I'll b single for a long time...
Or won't trust any relationship anymore

In de end of the day
I still love him
Really love him

Will always open my heart if he turns back to me...
Say I'm sturbun
Say I'm ego...
But this is who I am

Cried like mad of losing him until I need to wear my ugly spec due to my eyes swollen like mad
My eyes Cant even open fully....
Shit!!
I'm not ok at all!!
Time pass won't heal my scars

But wat more a lady need?
A family guy
A caring bf
Non smoker
No drinker
Don't gamble
A lovely guy

I'll wait for him...
Still love him so much
Will always wait for him to turn back to me

Ps : don't worry tat I won't do stpd things to myself cos life is precious...

-THE END-